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This year is different

August 14, 2012

Summer is finally starting to wind down. In the mid-west we still have a good month and a half left before the temperatures normally start dropping. I have gone on (and on) about how much I love autumn. The cooler temperatures, the changing leaves, the beginning of the school year. Except this year it’s different. This year there is no school to look forward to. I ended up with a year between graduating college and grad school, but I was working full-time (which theoretically helped) but also made the year seem odd, it blurred together, never felt right. The majority of my life has been spent living on a September to May schedule. June through August tended to blur together as I anxiously awaited the “start” of my year.

This year is different, this year I am not gearing up for anything, my summer did go by quickly (it’s already August?) but not in the same way. For the last eighteen years (counting pre-school, excluding the year for the job) I have gauged my time by the changing of the leaves, and school supplies. The local stores have started the back to school shopping, lists, displays and specials highlight almost every store I frequent. I feel removed. I remind myself there is no need to buy notebooks, no need to pick up a pack of folders. There will be no “back to school” clothes, no need for a new back pack or first day outfit. This year fall will slip in and surround me without the usual cues. Sure the leaves will change, the nights will become cooler, the days shorter. The clocks will change, the holidays will be here before I know it, but it won’t be the same.

This year I am not going to be waking up early to head to a morning class, I won’t be up late because of homework. This year I will not feel the rush of first week excitement. I won’t worry about packing a lunch, or finding an after school snack. I won’t have to finish x number of papers before the semester ends. I won’t have to practice for presentations.

This year will not be the same. I won’t lie, it’s scary. It aches in a way I never expected. It feels like a part of me is missing. School was such a large part of my life and now poof it’s gone. I find myself wandering around the apartment trying to remember that there will be no need to plan my schedule around classes. There will be no reason to make sure my bag is packed night before. I am free, but I feel lost.

This year is different.

From → Post-Grad School

  1. Amanda Gerodias permalink

    Now you and the hubby just need to have a baby, wait a few years, and your year can start to revolve around your child, and therefore, revolve around a September to May school year again 😉 LOL. Yes, this year will be different, but you will make it through! Andy and I miss you!

    • Ha, now that’s something to consider. I think we are more than a few years away from all that though. We miss you guys too!

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